enough?

sometimes i feel like i don't have enough of me to go around. there never seem to be enough hours in a day to do the dishes, fold clean laundry, clean my house and more importantly love on my babies and at least speak with my husband.

i hate when i have days like that. the past month has been like that.

the thing that bothers me the most is i feel like i am not giving enough to gracie. she has been super testy lately and spending a majority of her day in time-out. it is hard to love on your kid when they are beating up the baby and disobeying almost every word that comes out of your mouth. i guess that is just what comes with being three.

she does do some really sweet things though. like when she says, "your the best mommy," or shares with her brother without being asked to.

i love that girl. i hope she knows it.

whats love s'got to do, s'got to do...

i must confess that corey and i are big fans of the bachelorette. we watch it religiously every monday night with our beer and a huge pile of laundry that needs to be folded.

so every week the guys and the lovely bachelorette ali, are constantly talking about how they feel like they are falling in love. this is usually declared while they are on some grand, exciting date such as, a picnic dinner on the top of a castle watching the sunset or a romantic helicopter ride around glaciers. and every time they say that i think to myself, god love ya but let me tell you this what you are feeling may be a very nice feeling but it most likely is not love.

those of you who have been in love/are in love know that real love is not a "feeling." real love is getting up in the middle of the night with your sick baby. or catching your kids vomit in your hands because they wont make it to the bathroom/bucket and you have no more sheets left because you have already changed them twice. or watching sportcenter with your hubby even though you can't stand it because he likes it. or sometimes when you are so angry with your husband you could run him over with your car but you don't.

so you see love is not a feeling at all. because i can tell you allot of things you do for love you most defiantly don't feel like doing. love is choosing to put the feelings before your own.

oh and p.s. i hope ali chooses chris l. he is so cute and has his mom's (who passed away a year ago) signature tattooed on his side.

1 year old

I can't believe my baby is one today.


it seems like just yesterday i was being rushed down to an o.r. to deliver my little boy. it was the absolute scariest moment of my life. but then they pulled him out just as corey walked in the door and he was pink and screaming and perfect.


when i saw him being taken to a warmer out of the corner of my eye i could already tell he looked just like his daddy.


he is the sweetest little boy i know. he is a total momma's boy which i must admit is the best!


he isn't walking yet but he is very verbal. he says hi, momma, dadda, gaga, no and "right now." he is funny.


happy birthday stink. i love you to the moon.

the pioneer woman, the fourth of july and such

i forgot how much i love the the pioneer woman. have you ever read her blog? it's awesome. she is funny, has great recipes and takes the coolest pics. i haven't been reading her blog lately because i am lazy. but today i needed a ree fix so i gorged myself on her posts from the last month. boy it feels great to read her blog again. she makes me happy. i wish she would invite me to her ranch. if she met me i know she would want to be my best friend. i am pretty cool. ok, i'm done. thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

yesterday was probably the best fourth of july i have had in a long time. it was so fun i forgot to take any photos, sorry. it was relaxing and fun and i was with great friends and the best family (mine) in the world. we ate yummy food and swam all day. perfect. just perfect. except for the fact that gracie got a little too much sun. whoops.... worst. mom. ever.

my baby is going to be one tomorrow. i am going to work on a post for my little stink and hopefully get it up tomorrow. but i am not making any promises. i have allot of laundry to do today..........

oh and i almost forgot. we had family pictures taken on saturday by my best friend in the whole world. check out her blog and see a few of the photos from our session.

David Anthony

tomorrow will be the tenth anniversary of my youngest brothers death.


he died when he was six days old.


I remember the first time i saw him. all of 1 pound 10 ounces which seemed to be to much for how small he was. he had long fingers and toes just like my sister katie. he even had her perfect oval finger nails and the tiniest swirl of dark brown hair just like her. when i try and picture him now, i imagine he would look just like her small and thin with darker skin then the rest of us and lots of spunk. oh and of course he would wear glasses.

he was so sweet and small. I remember standing by his little isolate when he was baptized at just hours old by the non-denominational paster at the hospital. just my dad and i there.

a few days later i visited him and was able to put my hands in and touch him and when i laid my hand next to his hand and his little tiny fingers grasped my pinkie so tight. it is my fondest memory of him. and sometimes when i try really hard i can almost remember what that felt like.

i don't visit his grave very often. i wish i had a good reason why but i don't. When he died and we buried him there i remember feeling sick just thinking about leaving him. i wanted to lay on the grass on top of where he was because i didn't want him to be alone. later that day or week or month, i can't recall it is all kind of blurry, i told my mom how i hated to leave him there and she told me, "joanna, don't worry about him he isn't there in the ground he is so happy where he is in heaven.


it is nice to have a tangible place to put flowers and remember him but i don't need to go there to think of him. i talk to him and think of him everyday. like when we do something fun as a family i always wonder if he saw us together. or when my babies where little and i would be awake with them in the middle of the night and i would thank him so very much for watching over them and for sending me the absolute best ones because i just know he had a hand in my perfect babies.


sweet baby i love you so much it hurts. i miss you more then you could imagine. i will see you in my dreams.

your fairy godmother

preview

can you guess where i took this picture?

story behind the photo to follow....

fireworks and fun stuff

i do not like fire works. they are loud and dangerous and seriously they aren't even that cool looking. plus, people shot them off at all hours of the day around july 4th and wake my kids up from their naps or during the night!!! no, i do not like fireworks!

its girls night tonight woot woot!!! i can't wait to have a beer.

look at me cutie hubby as a little boy.

more importantly look at his awesome sweater. that's good stuff.

we are getting our family pictures done on saturday. my friend andrea is taking the pics. we are going to try and do an urban shoot. wish us luck!

my baby will be one on tuesday. it is a little bit sad. i am excited though. excited for him to walk, talk and stop with the bottles.

i am reading this book, the politician.






























have you read it? its a tad bit wordy but interesting. to tell you the truth it is mostly just sad. i am sad for everyone involved in the story.