this is how we are ringing in the new year.

how are you celebrating the beginning of 2012?

cheers to a happy healthy new year!

xo,
joanna

a day in instagrams

First post from my phone:)

Just testing to see if this works! Like this picture? It was done by my lovely friend Andrea Boettcher {our family portrait} & coily photos.

Christmas

we had a wonderful christmas. it actually wasn't too crazy. when corey and i had kiddies, we decided one party a day was plenty for holiday's. it works perfect for our family because we have christmas with my grandma either the day before christmas eve or the day after christmas, christmas eve with the paff's and christmas day with the witte's. it is always a little sad to not see everyone but being able to relax and enjoy being at one party and not having to cart two babies all over the world, repays us ten fold every year.

i need to upload all my good pictures from my camera then i can share. until then here are a few instagrams.


{daddy hard at work; santa's faves}


{mommy's dirty santa gift; yummy pick me up}


{noah's favorite gift; gracie's favorite gift}


{the gift that keeps on giving; christmas princess}


{kit's new dress; wild boys}

are you on instagram? follow me and i will follow you back. my handle is mommypaff (changed from joannapaff), check it out!

merry christmas

xo
joanna

festival of lights in {instagram's}

yesterday's post was a bit heavy. honestly, when i sat down to write it i wasn't even going to go there but once my fingers hit the keys it was like turning on a faucet and everything came pouring out. thank you for the lovely messages. it does my heart good to feel the love.

since i didn't post the pictures from our fun at the festival of lights i thought i would today. i didn't take my big camera. i have the iphone 4s and the camera on it does a good job at capturing moments without the bulk of the 60D.



xo
joanna

26

yesterday was my birthday. i am now all of 26 years old. it was a perfect family day, just the four of us. we went to the festival of lights, dinner and ended with a short trip to the mall.

i couldn't stop thinking how wonderfully blessed i am and wishing i could freeze time, so i could have that warm happy feeling in my heart forever. lately, my heart has been so heavy with sadness it was a welcome change. last month i had a miscarriage. it was not my first or second...

corey and i weren't planning on having more kids but it was a very welcome surprise when those two lines appeared. things were going well, we had even seen the babies sweet little heart beat at 6 weeks. then when we went back to check on the progress of the pregnancy at 8 weeks, there was only still silence on the screen. my heart literally broke in that room. it was devastating.

we decided to do genetic testing and we found that i have a chromosome defect. this defect makes it extremely difficult for me have children without medical intervention and that i gave birth to two healthy children on my own, is basically a miracle. when corey and i were given this news we decided to close the door on growing our family. so, for the past month not only have i been grieving the loss of my baby but all the babies i will never have.

grief is a strange thing. sometimes i feel like i am turning a corner and then the tiniest thing happens, like finding a baby sock in the bottom of gracie's drawer and that pain in my chest starts to hurt so bad again that it takes my breath away. i know it will get better and the light at the end of this dark tunnel is coming, even if i can't see it yet.