relax momma

since i was in high school, i have had issues with anxiety.

for some reason the littlest things like dirty dishes in the sink, large parties or sometimes nothing at all can send me into a panic attack.

since i got married and had kids these little attacks happen more often (imagine that).

i have found that music really helps me to clear my mind, put things in perspective and relax.

the play list changes daily, sometimes i need bon iver to calm down sometimes britney spears.

here is the music keeping me calm and company today.

baby mine - allison krauss
daughter - louden wainwright
january rain - david gray
answer - sarah mclachlan
come around - rosi golan
hazy - rosi golan
keep breathing - ingrid michaelson
everybody - ingrid michaelson
face of faith - nellie mckay
when you love someone - bryan adams
been a long day - rosi golan
girls just want to have fun - greg laswell
roslyn - bon iver
woods - bon iver
blood bank - bon iver
come home soon - corey crowder
split screen sadness - john mayer
breath me - sia
flightless bird, american mouth - iron and wine

my baby

yesterday i posted the slide show of my sass and now its noey's turn. just a warning, you may need tissues. probably not but i sure do. i don't know what it is about this boy but he has my heart. just typing that makes me cry. love you noey baby!

Noah Thomas from Joanna Paff on Vimeo.

Grace Kathryn

this year i decided to start a new tradition. since i received my amazing camera from my hubby for my birthday last year, i have been taking more pictures then i know what to do with. so i decided that i would compile all my favorites from each year of my babies lives and make a photo book on shutterfly.

i want to share the books with you all but that isn't really possible. sooooo i made slide shows of my faves from the book for you to check out. enjoy!

Grace Kathryn from Joanna Paff on Vimeo.

train of thought....

i feel so scatter brained lately. like i seriously can not finish a thought let alone a task. you would believe me if you saw my house (yikes!). so my post is just basically whats on my mind.

1. my hair will not get rid of that chlorine smell from swimming. before you start with, "well joanna wash your hair. duh." i have done that. i do it everyday. yeah i know excessive but that's me, excessive.

2. i watched this movie today with my sister.



























have you seen it? its a little ummmmm dark. i can't stop thinking about it. i may or may not be having nightmares tonight.

3. this little stinker.

is totally glued to me right now. he cries if i walk out of his sight. i don't remember gracie doing this. it is kinda making me crazy. there i said it. wow i feel better.

4. i really need to clean up my diet. boo.

5. i am so tired of folding laundry. how much do you think it costs for someone to come to my house fold and put away laundry?

6. i can't wait to get in bed.

7. good night.

fathers day

dear corey,

can you believe this is your third fathers day? it seems like just yesterday we became parents for the first time early that july morning.


i knew when i married you that you would be an amazing father.


but never in my wildest dreams could i have ever imagined this amazing.



the way you love our babies brings tears to my eyes.


and the way they love you is so very sweet. you are the smartest, strongest, bravest person in the whole world to them.


thank you for making these beautiful babies with me and for being such a great daddy to them.


no one loves you like we do.

New Fave

i am sorry. i had to post this photo of my sweet boy.



totally. unbelievably. in. love. with. him.

just the girls

today i got to spend time alone with my sweet sassy girl. corey worked from home and poor noey was feeling a bit under par. ear infections again. so gracie and i decided to take advantage of our boys being stuck at home and go have some fun.

gracie chose to go to a local sprinkler park. it is super cute with a pretend pirate ship, canons, palm trees, yada, yada, yada. i was surprised she chose this because sass is a little nervous when it comes to sprinklers but she loved it. besides being a little overwhelmed at first she warmed up quickly and we had lots of fun.



the best part of the day was how happy gracie was to be spending one on one time with me. she was so sweet and kept saying, "thank you mommy for bringing me to the sprinkler park!" and "your the best mommy!" my heart was literally bursting just watching her have fun but to have her tell me was more then i could bare. i was defiantly wearing my sunglasses for more then just the sun!!

happy weekend!

and the award for worst mom ever goes to....

seriously, worst. mom. ever. today!

my little sassy girl who just to clarify, in all her life has had all of one ear infection was complaining the past five days of ear pain.

before you get all, "omg joanna, five days!?!" on me, let me explain. every time she would complain it would be when she was swimming or taking a bath. she would stop and say, " mommy my ear hurts." before i could even ask which ear she would be over it. so i thought, oh she just has water in her ear and doesn't like the feeling and doesn't know any other word for it then it hurts. so we went on with our life.

well today she was a total hot mess, whiny, clingy, low appetite and energy so when she said, "mommy my ear hurts." i thought hmmm maybe we should get you checked out and wouldn't you know the poor kid has full blown double ear infections!

it took the doctor all of a quick glance in her ear for him to say and i quote, "oh man, you sure do have an ear infection in there!"

i don't know who felt worse when we left gracie or i. probably me. when we left i was trying to hide my embarrassed red face behind my sunglasses while grace skipped out of the office because she got a sponge bob sticker.

worst. mom. ever.

Growing pains

my babies are growing up so fast. i can't believe that in a few short weeks my baby boy will be 1 and my sassy girl will be 3.

where did the time go? i was watching them play this morning and i was literally holding back tears thinking about how fast the time has gone.

look at how much my sass has changed in two years.



it breaks my heart how big she is and how incredibly beautiful she is.

and my little noey, who i specifically told to stop growing up and he goes and starts walking!


love you kids more then anything now stop growing up!

where did the week go?

i can't believe it is already thusday. usually, when my weeks fly by it's because i was to busy being productive to notice. that is not true this week. i can't remember doing anything remotely productive, to be honest i can't remember doing anything period.

this is my list of things i need to get done this week.

1. take the babies swimming.

2. clean my house. and i mean clean. not just pick up like serious de-clutter, scrub the floors and windows clean.

3. order new photos of my kiddos including but not limited to this one....


and this one...


4. decide what i am bringing to our, "meet the new neighbor party" to share tomorrow night.

5. make photo books for my kids of the past year. (that's a doesy)

6. stop obsessing about wanting a new dog. you do not want a dog. you do not need a dog. you don't have time for a dog. amen.

i have to keep reminding myself, sorry.

Wordless wednesday - first heart to heart

the banish club

so the other day i wrote about my wonderful childhood and all the good memories i have from it. today i thought i would share one of my favorite memories. my brothers and sister and i talk about this memory often around the sunday dinner table and we are always laughing so hard we are crying.

first, my mom home schooled all seven of us. she stopped with my younger siblings a few years ago so she could go back to work. because we were home schooled and were aloud very very limited tv, there was a ton of time during the day that we had to fill with making up games for entertainment.

on this particular day we decided we were going to have a circus on the family room couch. my mom who all throughout my childhood was either pregnant or nursing, was napping with the youngest at the time. so here we are walking along the back of the couch, jumping on the cushions and doing flips over the arms and wouldn't you know the darn thing broke! and i mean broke. the frame snapped and one or two of the legs collapsed.

it made the loudest sound imaginable we all looked at each other and held our breaths hoping my mom hadn't heard. before we could blink, she was standing in the family room and she was not very happy. i can't remember her exact words but something like she didn't want to hear or see us until after nap time.

subsequently, my oldest brother jake, convinced us that she meant she never wanted to see us again and we would have to live in the basement from now on.

jake, was always the leader so being good sheep we followed him down to the basement.

he then told us to make clay cups and plates because we weren't ever going to be aloud to use the stuff in the kitchen again. finally, he got us all paper grocery bags and had us put them on our heads and practice eating because if we were ever on the off chance invited to join in any family meals we would need bags on our head, so my mom wouldn't have to look at us. so we did that too. we spent the rest of the day in the basement in what was dubbed, "the banish club." jake named it, naturally.

eventually, my mom made us come up for dinner of course she had forgotten about being mad and told us to take off the paper bags. to tell you the truth i think she was happy we broke that couch. it was ugly and smelled like cigarette smoke from the previous owner.

the end

cute kid

seriously?


i mean...


how cute...


is this kid?

Memories

i had a wonderful childhood. i grew up in a big family so there was always plenty of excitement, fun and laughter.

i am always wondering what my kids will remember from there days as littles. will it be the hours upon hours playing in the circle with their buds, our family vacations to the beach or all the days we spent at the zoo?

here are two things gracie remembers and talks about quite often. not so sure i am doing a good job.

gracie: hey mom, remember that time you were outside with noah reading books and i couldn't find you and i was scared and i cried? remember that?

gracie: mom, did we have a dog?
me: yes, we did have a dog.
gracie: was his name henry?
me: yes, his name was henry.
gracie: remember that you gave him away? i miss him. i loved henry.

worst mom ever.

tuesday already?

1. gracie slept until 9am this morning! that is a record for her. she is usually up by 7 no matter what time she goes o bed at night.

2. i am totally, unbelievably in love with my husband.

just thought you should know.

3. we pool hopped all day today. started this morning at my mom's and ended at our neighbors. my kids are sun kissed and exhausted. hoping for a great night sleep!

4. this is my 3rd week participating in fmbt. click on the button and check it out!

5. the fifth kid in my families line up, nate, is graduating high school tomorrow. i can't believe he is old enough to graduate. i remember the day he was born, i was all of 5yrs old.

6. this is gracie's x-ray from last summer when she swallowed a pin from out screen door.

























that was fun week....